The Ice Cube that Changed My Life
by Dr. Jennifer Harley Chalmers
I’d like you to think about ice. Yes, ice. Is it good or bad? Well, when ice is contained in a cube and placed into a glass of lukewarm water or soda, it makes the contents more enjoyable to drink. And an ice cube is certainly refreshing on a hot day when it touches the skin. Ice in the form of a unique snow flake is one of the most beautiful, intricate pieces of art that the laws of nature create. Ice packs also help diminish the swelling of muscles and keep food from spoiling when on a family picnic. Ice has refreshing, aesthetic, life-giving purpose when contained.
But have you ever thought about the consequences of ice when it’s not contained? That’s a strange question, right? And to tell you the truth, that question never crossed my mind until I was temporarily blinded by the effects of a sharp piece of ice from the ice cube tray projecting with rocket speed into my left eye. Three days of my life were consumed when at one moment a tiny, beautiful piece of ice went outside of its container with misdirected purpose.
I could not see! My eyes could not open because of the excruciating pain in one eye. I was never aware that such a little part of my body could make my entire body scream with pain. With weeping, each eyelid became swollen and red. I felt nauseous and faint. My entire body was brought to a screeching halt, with all the wonderful plans redirected for the day and the week to come. And it wasn’t only my life that was affected; it caused concern for my husband, family, and friends.
I’m not telling you this story for you to vicariously benefit and subsequently use protective eyewear whenever taking ice from an ice cube tray. This is about something so much more meaningful and related to the gift of care and extraordinary precautions to protect your Love Banks.
The point of this story has to do with your most important emotional needs in marriage. Like ice, these needs, when contained in your marriage relationship, are beautiful, powerful, and life benefiting. When spouses meet each other’s most important emotional needs, they become a primary source of happiness, romantic love is sustained, and exceptional care is given.
But when any of these needs, especially sexual fulfillment, is not contained in the marriage relationship, pain and redirected plans are certain. Sexual fulfillment with another becomes infidelity. Enjoying another’s physical attractiveness can lead to lust or objectifying and dehumanizing someone. Intimate conversation, affection, admiration, recreational companionship can lead to emotional infidelity. These consequences all lead to devastation, or “hell on earth," for ALL involved.
Through our marriage counseling careers, Dr. Harley and I have seen the devastation of misdirected purpose when it comes to meeting the most important emotional needs outside of one’s marriage relationship. In fact, over 90% of our clientele for marriage counseling are recovering from infidelity. What a tragedy it is for all involved, beyond what words can explain.
Our book, Surviving an Affair (Harley/Chalmers, 1998, 2013, in our Book Store), helps guide couples through a recovery plan. This plan for healing is not an easy road; in fact, it’s quite narrow. But those who follow it can actually restore their marital feelings of romantic love and create a new legacy. However, prevention is definitely the easiest road.
Our hope is that you and your partner will create a lifestyle of exclusive need meeting. Enjoy these beautiful, powerful needs within the “container” in which they were intended. God knows the blessing that can come from following His ways and He knows the curse that can come from a deviation from that path. Protect your Love Bank from outside threats by exclusively meeting each other’s emotional needs.