A Love Story That Continues to Flourish
By Jennifer Harley Chalmers
You've likely heard countless love stories, perhaps growing up with the enchanting tales of Disney's characters like Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty. These stories often depict the classic narrative of a prince and a princess overcoming challenges to find their “happily ever after.”
But what about a real-life love story that flourishes for a lifetime? Do these love stories exist?
The answer is yes. So let me tell you a real-life love story.
(For a heightened experience, consider playing tender love story music as you read this article. Let the music begin.)
In a land far, far away, there was a young maiden named Mary. She was a high school senior who reveled in church activities, particularly singing in the youth choir. One bright spring morning, Mary's eyes locked onto a new and dashing young man in the church lobby.
Who might this be? Her thoughts raced. The church atmosphere grew even more enchanting in his presence. This newcomer, Donald, was a slightly older individual completing his junior year at a local university. Passionate about music, particularly singing and playing the guitar, he was immediately drawn to Mary's melodious voice during the youth choir performances. He yearned to acquaint himself with her, yet hesitated, assuming she was still in high school and too young for romance.
The story took an unexpected twist when Donald's senior year coincided with Mary's freshman year at the same university. One day, Mary found herself standing in the cafeteria line, and there he was—Donald. Her heart raced, and with a surge of courage, she greeted him with an awkward yet endearing, "Hello, fellow Trinityite." Their interactions flowed naturally, leading them to share lunch together.
(Now, pause for a moment to consider an alternate scenario from Donald's perspective: In the cafeteria, he spots Mary and hears her say, "Hello, fellow Trinityite; I want you now!" As he joins her for lunch, his classmates, who were supposed to convene for a linear algebra study session, exchange questioning glances. But his married friend gives a thumbs-up and a broad grin for daring to deviate from the study session and opt for lunch with a newfound friend.)
Despite Mary's slight awkwardness while eating bean sprouts in her salad, they engaged in a pleasant conversation. The encounter further deepened their infatuation for one another.
Days turned into weeks, and their church greetings and university hallway smiles continued. Little did they know that their lives were about to embark on a shared journey.
On a crisp autumn day, the church organized a bike trip for college-aged members. Mary and Donald both participated, pedaling side by side for 64 kilometers. Other interested parties attempted to interact with Donald, yet his focus was unwaveringly fixed on Mary. And she reciprocated his attentiveness.
Despite the fatigue and soreness from the bike journey, they couldn't suppress their connection, as they spent four more hours walking and conversing that evening. Discovering shared interests and seamless conversation, they forged a bond that grew stronger.
Nonetheless, doubts began to cloud Donald's mind. Coming from a modest background, he questioned whether he was worthy of Mary's affections, considering her perceived affluence. "Am I good enough for her?" he pondered.
However, Donald's reservations didn't deter him from inviting Mary on their first date – a movie, ET, and dinner, which concluded with Mary's first kiss.
Their companionship blossomed, and within a year, they found themselves certain that they were meant to share a life together. Their relationship flowed effortlessly, and they yearned to spend every waking moment by each other's side.
Mary's educational aspirations lingered on the horizon, but Donald was eager to embark on their marital journey without delay. Donald had already completed his studies and launched a sales career. So during the midyear break of Mary's junior year, they exchanged vows. Their honeymoon marked the beginning of a grand adventure.
(If this were a Disney tale, this narrative would conclude with the timeless phrase: "And they lived happily ever after." In a Hollywood production, the plot might skip through the middle stages of married life, fast-forwarding to the golden years where the in-love couple basks in their enduring love. However, have you ever wondered about the journey that lies beyond the “happily ever after”? Or contemplated the intricacies of the middle chapters in a Hollywood romance? Can a love story flourish throughout the years of marriage, beyond the initial excitement?)
Let's rejoin Mary and Donald's journey.
The initial six years of their marriage were characterized by humble living. They persevered through their educational pursuits – his MBA and the initiation of a business venture in their garage, and her completion of a master's and PhD – all while embracing their shared love and happiness.
Then, a new chapter unfolded with the arrival of their first daughter, followed by another daughter three years later.
(Now, imagine if this story were a movie, it would gently fade into a new scene that portrays a glimpse during this middle period of their love story.)
One bright spring morning, as their youngest daughter (six-years old) was collected from church sunday school, Mary received a picture from the teacher. The image depicted a man declaring, "I love you," and a woman holding flowers. With a smirky smile, the daughter said to the teacher, "My mom and dad kiss."
(Suddenly, the movie scene shifts forward to a future scene, depicting the same daughter during her wedding. She recognizes how her parents' marital model became the blueprint for her marriage – infusing her own love story with their example—a love story within a love story.)
As the years advanced, Mary and Donald navigated life's challenges hand-in-hand, facing surgeries, family hardships, and health issues. They remained united, with their love and faith as anchors. They sailed through life as best friends and lovers, facing every storm as a team.
Almost thirty years after their first ET date, Mary embarked on a mission to develop a curriculum that helps couples sustain romantic love in marriage and passion for God – a practice they had intentionally followed throughout their life together. Together, they promoted this curriculum, facilitating classes and speaking at marriage retreats. Their ministry exemplified the very principles they lived by, nurturing their own love while inspiring others.
You might have guessed it already – I, Jennifer Harley Chalmers, am Mary, and my husband of over 38 years, Phil, is Donald.
This, dear reader, is our love story – one that's still evolving with every page inked with the Four Gifts of Love® lifestyle (FGL).
So, what's the secret to maintaining a marriage's passion throughout the middle chapters? It's the intentional embrace of the FGL lifestyle.
Though simple in concept, this way of living isn't always prioritized in our society and presents challenges, mainly the struggle for resources of time. In fact, most Hollywood and Disney love stories omit the middle-period struggles. Why? Because retaining that initial feeling of love requires effort especially when society's demands pull time and priorities away from each other.
Nonetheless, we must seize our time and priorities back!
Phil and I embrace the FGL lifestyle daily. Sometimes, it demands difficult choices like forgoing career advancements or financial gains. However, the rewards always outweigh the sacrifices, and our passion remains undiminished, even through life's middle stages.
Now, we are about to become grandparents, and our real-life love story embarks on its Hollywood-like chapter. We anticipate scenes of grandchildren frolicking while we sit on the porch, cherishing sunsets, cuddling, and clasping hands. But this chapter would have looked entirely different had we not intentionally protected our feeling of romantic love throughout the previous chapters.
Thankfully, our real-life love story includes the beginning, middle, and end; an ongoing journey of love – our "happily ever after."
Curious about the Four Gifts of Love® lifestyle? Regardless of your past chapters, you can write a new love-story chapter or enhance an existing one. To explore further, we encourage you to read Foundation 4 Marriage: A Four Gifts of Love® Lifestyle, and unpack the concrete and practical plan to enrich your personal love story.