LOVING OTHERS AND TREATING THEM AS WE TREAT OURSELVES

(From Chapter 5, Let's Get Growing, Christians!)

by Willard F. Harley, Jr. and Jennifer Harley Chalmers

 

 

 

If you commit your life to God, you are also committing your life to the welfare of others. This was the essence of Christ’s teaching when He said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39).

There is a great deal in Scripture on this subject. The following selected passages carry a message often repeated throughout the Bible: 

  • If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And He has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother (I John 4:20, 21).
  • A new command I give to you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another (John 13:34-35).
  • For I was hungry and you gave Me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave Me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited Me in, I needed clothes and you clothed Me, I was sick and you looked after Me, I was in prison and you came to visit Me…I tell you the truth, whatever you did for the least of these brothers of Mine, you did for Me (Matthew 25:35-36, 40).
  • You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect (Matthew 5:43-48).

These, and many other selections from the Bible, clearly define a Christian’s responsibility to all other people whether they are friends or enemies. The reason is clear—God has a deep love for everyone and is concerned about their well-being (John 3:16; Matthew 5:45). When we accept Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord, we commit ourselves to God’s plans and purposes (Matthew 12:50; Ephesians 6:6; James 4:15). Therefore, the Christian learns to share the love that God has toward people as part of the process of conforming to His will and ways of doing things (Matthew 5:48; Deuteronomy 10:12, 17-19).

Our love for God and love for our “neighbor” are so intertwined that God sees how we treat others in our lifetime as the way that we have treated Him (Matthew 25:31-46). This is why the second commandment, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” is “like it,” or similar to, the first commandment. God loves your neighbor very much, so if you love God you will take care of those He loves (your neighbor) for His sake. 

Our Love for God Is Our Motive 

There is a critical distinction made in the Scriptures between loving others because of our love for God and loving others for some other reason. In chapter 3, we saw that the basis of all sin is man’s failure to show God proper respect. Instead of loving and serving God, people “exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator” (Romans 1:25). Their affection turned from God to God’s creation, which includes other people. They loved what God had made more than they loved God Himself.

Since the commandment “Love your neighbor as yourself” is often quoted without reference to the first and greatest commandment, people usually believe that caring for others is always “good.” When those without faith in Jesus Christ try to think of reasons why God should accept them into heaven, they often refer to their past acts of care and concern for others.

However, those acts are meaningless to God if they are not motivated by a love for God, through Jesus Christ. This is why Paul, quoting the psalmist, writes, “All have turned away. They have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one” (Romans 3:12). He says this because those without Jesus Christ do not love others out of their love for God, but rather, they love others as a substitute for God. Many non-Christians outperform many Christians in their care and concern for others. However, in the sight of God, the caring acts of the non-Christian are worthless, whereas the caring acts of the Christian are worthy. The act of love in caring for others is important, but the motive for that love is much more important.

John wrote, “If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth” (I John 3:17, 18). John is emphasizing the point that when we love God, we have compassion for others, and act on that compassion for God’s sake. If we have no compassion, we cannot possibly love God. And it is not enough to have a warm feeling toward people. John writes that God wants us to care for those whom He loves. He wants us to give them things He has given us when they need them.

In Matthew 25:35-40, Jesus instructs His followers to (1) feed those that are hungry, (2) take in people who have no place to stay, (3) visit the sick, (4) visit those in prison, (5) clothe those who need clothing, and in Matthew 5:40-42, (6) if someone tries to force us to do something for them, do more than they want us to do, and (7) give to those who ask to borrow from us. These are only a few of the many ways that we can show care to those in need.

Jesus expands on this concept in one of the most shocking passages in Scripture: 

You have heard that it was said, “Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.” But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you (Matthew 5:38- 42). 

To understand this passage better, imagine a loved one striking you for some reason. Would you want to harm him in return? Imagine that he sued you. Would you try to ruin him? Imagine that he wanted you to walk a distance with him or wanted to borrow something from you. Wouldn’t you do everything you could to help him? If someone we love hurts us, for a moment we might feel like striking back. But once our hurt feelings have settled down, our feelings of love motivate us to try to understand why he hurt us, and discover how we can help him.

This passage is shocking only when it is applied to individuals for whom we have no care or concern. If Jesus had prefaced His remarks by saying that these things should be done for those in our immediate family—the ones we love the most—it would make more sense to us. But when we realize that God loves everyone and that He wants us to love and care based upon His love for others, then we begin to understand the perspective that Jesus had in His Sermon on the Mount.

It’s especially important to God that Christians love each other. Christ said to His disciples, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35). And yet, one of Satan’s most powerful weapons for destroying the Church’s ministry is to try to pit Christian against Christian. Satan may encourage you to show love to an orphan in Asia or a stranger on the street, if he can discourage you from loving someone you must work within your church. So be sure to remember that fellow Christians, as flawed as we all are and as disappointing as we can all be, are loved by God. If we are His disciples, we are to care for each other because of our love for Him. 

They Will Know Us by Our Love 

In Paul’s first letter to the church in Corinth (I Corinthians 13), he makes it very clear to them that their love for others cannot be overemphasized—it is the mark of a Christian! Love is even more important than a Christian’s faith and hope. “If I have the gift of prophecy, and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing” (vs. 2). Paul goes on to say, “If I give everything I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing” (vs. 3).

Wait a minute! Isn’t giving everything you have to the poor the supreme act of love? What more could a person do? Paul’s point is that acts of care mean nothing if they are not accompanied by an attitude of love.

Then, Paul describes some of the characteristics of those with an attitude of love. When we care about someone, we care for that person as much as we care for ourselves. We are patient and kind to that person. We do not envy what that person has because we want them to have the best. We are not boastful and proud around that person because we do what we can to build them up—not build ourselves up. And he or she is certainly not a bother to us, but rather, we care for that person as much as we care for ourselves. In other words, when we care for someone, we don’t just give them things. We invest ourselves in them. Without personal investment, our acts of care are meaningless to God.

How are you doing when it comes to loving others? Have you made a personal investment in anyone’s life? If you examine how you spend your day, would you see a well-developed habit of taking time to care for others out of your love for God? If you feel that some improvement is in order, I have a plan for you that will bring you closer to developing this standard.

 But first, you should recognize that loving others is not as simple as loving God. That’s because those you are to love neither love you as much, nor are they looking after your best interests as much as God. Since others will not necessarily love you, or even appreciate what you do for them, your love for them must be secured in your love for God. When you see someone, you need to be able to think to yourself, “There is a person whom God created and loves very much. God wants the best for him. Is there something I can do to show my love for God by helping him?”

Again, let’s use the four steps to spiritual problem solving to start your plan to increase your love and care for others. 

  1. Pray daily for a solution to the problem

Have you asked God to help you develop His attitude of love and learn to meaningfully care for others more? Many Christians pray this frequently. However, when you pray, ask Him to help you come to love and care for specific people, and ask Him to help you become more aware of the needs of those you have not considered. 

  1. Have faith that, between you and God, the problem can be solved

Do you believe that with God’s help you can learn to increase your love and care for others? This, again, is clearly in the will of God. He has promised to help you, especially with this problem. 

  1. Think of ways that the problem could be solved

Have you thought of ways in which you can come to love and care for others more than you do? In chapter four’s ACTION PLAN, you started an exercise for becoming more aware of ways to help other people. If you didn’t complete it, try it right now: (1) take a few minutes and make a list of people you have spoken to today or yesterday, and (2) for each person, list the needs they might have or ways they might need care, without considering your ability or resources to meet the needs. 

  1. Put your best plan into action

Have you tried at least one method to help you increase your love and care for others? God intends for us to have His attitude of love for others and put a plan into action that meets people’s needs. These are two separate parts of a whole that must ultimately unite—an attitude of love and meaningful action. That is the sign that we are Christians or Christ’s ones—our attitude and actions will reflect God’s love within us! And the following plan is meant to combine these parts.

There are many possible plans, but the one I will offer is designed to increase your care for those who pass through your life regularly—people whom you have the greatest personal impact.

The first phase is to continue the exercise above, but do it regularly to daily increase your awareness of the people in your life who need your care. Every evening, take about five minutes to try to remember all the people with whom you spoke that day. For some of us, many people enter our lives on a given day. For others, there may be only one or two. As you think of these people, list them and write down their possible needs. If you do not know a person well enough to identify his or her needs, try to get to know this person better.

 Throughout this phase, pray continually that God will give you His attitude of love toward each of these people. By simply completing this exercise each day, you will find yourself becoming more aware of people’s needs as you encounter them.

The second phase is to evaluate your abilities, interests, and resources. Write down your special skills, what you are educated to do, your special interests, hobbies, and resources available to you. From this list, you can consider your best abilities and resources in planning acts of care for others.

I’m not discouraging you to develop new skills or expand your interests to increase your need-meeting ability. But for now, this plan utilizes the abilities and interests that you currently possess. And that’s the third phase—using what you have now to start caring for others. These acts must represent specific attempts to meet needs. Each act should be given careful consideration. You will not only consider the individual’s needs but also your resources and abilities—never giving something you don’t possess!

After one week of this action phase, add another five minutes to your evening time to write down, by the name of each person listed, whether or not you did anything to help overcome his or her needs. Ask yourself, “What did I do today to show care to someone around me?” Your goal, of course, is to get into a daily routine of caring for those on your list, using your abilities, interests, and resources.

If you have a difficult time following through with this plan, you may want to take a look at your incentives. As I have mentioned before, you must provide yourself with a good incentive to complete any plan, or you will probably fail. Taking time each evening to consider the needs of people is currently not a top priority item for you. You probably have many other things that you are in the habit of doing. Therefore, plan an incentive that will rearrange those priorities.

The fourth, and last phase, involves taking the time to re-evaluate how your plan is working. On your calendar, place a star with the note “loving others?” at one month from the day you start this plan. At that time ask yourself the following questions: “Are the incentives enough for me to continue the plan for two more months (enough time to make it a habit)? Is the plan enjoyable? Can I continue the specific ways of caring for a long- time or will I soon burn out? It is important to fine-tune your plan so that you will succeed at making this standard of loving others a regular part of your life.

After you have implemented this plan, your care for people should become more frequent and more meaningful. You probably will also find yourself becoming more sensitive to the fact that God loves these people for whom you are caring and that He is very pleased that you are caring for those He loves. And remember to keep this plan to love others in your daily prayers. 

Trouble Shooting 

Although this plan looks good on paper, in reality, you might hit a snag. What happens if someone on your list is someone you dislike? Does that mean they should be taken off the list? After all, caring for someone you dislike might be Scriptural, but not enjoyable. You may be tempted to do so, but still, try this plan and see how it works. I want to encourage you and let you know that with God’s help, and His attitude of love, this can be done!

Let us consider why we dislike some people. First, we must recognize that we tend to approach or like anything that makes us feel good and avoid or dislike anything that makes us feel bad. If you make me feel good, I will tend to like you; if you make me feel bad, I will tend to dislike you. Jesus Christ was disliked by the Jewish leaders of His day because He told them that they were hypocrites and sons of the devil (John 8:42-58). Although what He told them was true, it made them angry; therefore, they disliked Him. This illustration demonstrates that in some cases bad experiences may be beneficial for us. Our natural inclination is to dislike those who criticize us; yet, such criticism may enable us to improve ourselves.

Another point is that our personalities largely determine whether the actions of others make us feel good or bad. An individual’s behavior can cause one person to like him and another to dislike him. Most people do not want to make others feel bad. But certain habits tend to irritate people with specific types of personalities. Knowing this will not necessarily change your attitude toward others, but it does provide some justification for caring for those whom you may not like. Just because you react to an individual negatively does not make him or her any less needful or deserving of your care.

As you act to care for the people you have listed, praying that God will give you an attitude of love for each of them, you will find that your attitude toward them will change dramatically— even for those you have good reasons to dislike. And for those whom you disliked, you will probably find that whatever reasons you had for disliking them will, in time, disappear. Either their behavior or your reaction to their behavior, or both, will change. As a result of this experience, your approach toward others not on your list will follow the same pattern used for those on the list.

Remember again, Satan rejoices when people, especially Christians, destroy each other: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10). By following a plan to love as Christ commands us, we are strengthening God’s ministry and honoring Him.

Why did God create us? What is His perfect will or plan for our lives? The answers to these questions are given to us by the only One who knows. Jesus Christ said that there are two things that God wants of us: to love God with all of our being, and to love and care for those whom He created and loves. If your day is spent for any other purpose, the precious time that God has given you is wasted for all of eternity. 

KEY POINTS 

  • If we love God, we are to show our love for Him by loving and caring for all of those whom God created, whether they are our friends or enemies.
  • If we love and care for others because we love God, we are in His will. But we are not in His will if we love and care for others for some other reason.
  • The shocking commandments that Jesus gave in His Sermon on the Mount (“do not resist an evil person”) make sense only when we possess God’s attitude of love concerning those who cause us trouble.
  • Being in God’s love instills His attitude of love — “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35).
  • When we care for someone, we don’t just give them things. We invest ourselves in them. Without that personal investment, our acts of care are meaningless to God.
  • God intends for us to not only have His attitude of love for others but also to put a plan into action that meets people’s needs. These are two separate parts of a whole that must ultimately unite—an attitude of love and meaningful action. That is the sign that we are Christians or Christ’s ones—our attitude and actions will reflect God’s love within us!

ACTION PLAN 

  • Create a specific plan to love and care for those you see daily (with your spouse as top priority).

Preparing for Success 

  1. Pray each day that God will help you complete your goal of loving others.
  2. Have faith, that with God’s help, you can come to regularly show love and care for others.
  3. Find an incentive, like the support of a Christian friend who shares this problem. The incentive you choose must guarantee the completion of the plan, regardless of how you may feel while carrying it out. The incentive must carry the plan forward until the reward is sufficient to maintain it as a habit. Of the plans we have considered, this is by far the most difficult because it involves a great deal of time and creativity. Therefore, your incentive must be highly motivating.
  4. The plan should be designed to maximize your enjoyment of the process (reward), but you may not enjoy it at first.
  5. Work out a schedule for completing the two phases. Each week or day you might want to meet with your “plan partner” to discuss your progress.

Phase I 

  • Increase your awareness of the people in your life who need your care. Every evening, take about five minutes to try to remember all the people to whom you spoke that day. As you think of these people, list those who had an apparent need. By simply completing this exercise each day, you will find yourself becoming more aware of people’s needs as you encounter them.
  • If you do not know a person well enough to identify his or her needs, try to start a casual conversation by asking about their family, or how the day or work is going. From this information, you might get ideas for ways to care for them.

Phase II 

  • On a sheet of paper, list (1) your abilities and areas of interest and specific ways you think you could meet a need with those areas listed.

Phase III 

  • Act on some of the needs, using your unique abilities and interests.
  • After about one week, add another five minutes to your evening time. Identify whether or not you did at least one act of care to those people on your list. These acts must represent specific attempts to resolve some of their needs. Ask yourself the question, “What did I do today that showed care to someone?”
  • Each act of care should be given careful consideration. You should not only consider the individual’s needs but also your resources and abilities. Never try to give something you do not possess! Consider your best abilities and resources in planning acts of care for others.
  • Your goal is to reach the place where you create a routine that meets the needs of those on your list, using your abilities and interests.
  • As in all plans, your love for these people must be a continuing matter of prayer.
  • Although this is a good plan that has worked for many Christians, there are many other good plans. Implement whatever plan seems right for you. But, one way or another, pledge to God right now that you will dedicate to Him a plan that will help you care for those you see daily.
  • Review other verses on the subject of loving and caring for others: Leviticus 19:18; Matthew 19:19; Mark 9:41; Luke 6:31-38; John 15:12-13; Romans 12:9-10, 13:8-10; 1 Corinthians 13; Galatians 5:13-15, 22, 26; Ephesians 5:2; Colossians 3:12-14; 1 Thessalonians 4:9; 1 Peter 3:8-9; 1 John 2:10, 3:10-15.
  • How are you doing with your worship time with God? Are you keeping up your plan for daily worship?
  • How are you doing with your fellowship time with God? Are you keeping up your plan for continuing fellowship?