Four Gifts of Love® — Online Institute

1.)

Dr. Harley believes that spouses should try to meet each other’s most important emotional needs only if it comes naturally and effortlessly.

a.) true

b.) false

2.)

Why is it important to review your top five most important emotional needs as a couple at least every year?

a.) needs definitely change overtime

b.) needs may change overtime

c.) how a need can be expertly met (quality, quantity, mutuality) may change overtime

d.) both b & c

e.) none of the above; needs never change

3.)

Quality and quantity are important parts of becoming an expert at meeting your spouse's emotional needs. But what other part should be considered when meeting a need?

a.) feasibility

b.) mutuality

c.) being natural

d.) energy level

4.)

You are actually not meeting an emotional need unless the quality of your care meets your partner's minimum standards.

a.) true

b.) false

5.)

What is a good example of honestly expressing the desired quality and quantity about an emotional need?

a.) "You should do it like Mary's husband. He talks to her all the time." (giving a model example, plus general-desired behavior)

b.) "I'd love it if you would call me three times a day from work and ask me how I'm doing and tell me how you are doing." (where, when, how, desired behavior)

c.) "I love it when you open the door for me on a date." (where, when, how, desired behavior)

d.) "I'd love it if you wouldn't be a jerk." (general, non-desired behavior)

e.) "I need for you to be more respectful." (general, desired behavior)

f.) b and c

6.)

When honestly expressing the quality and quantity about how a need can be met, it is more effective when you can include:

a.) positive examples of how other people meet the need better than your spouse

b.) negative examples of when your spouse didn't meet the need

c.) positive, specific examples of when your spouse met the need ("I love it when...)

d.) the specific, desired behavior that gives the where, when, and how you would like the need met ("I'd love it if...)

e.) both c & d

7.)

According to Dr. Harley, being an expert at meeting a spouse's emotional need may require regular sacrifice (i.e., allowing the one meeting the need to suffer, while the other is happy).

a.) true

b.) false

8.)

Why is it important that couples don't allow themselves to regularly sacrifice (feel pain) in order to meet each other's emotional needs?

a.) Meeting needs should not deposit love units into one person's Love Bank while withdrawing love units from the other's Love Bank.

b.) If a couple is in a mutually caring relationship, it doesn't make sense to allow one to feel pain at the other's gain.

c.) If a spouse feels pain every time he/she meets a particular need, eventually an aversion can be created or the spouse will avoid meeting that need altogether.

d.) If couples want to meet each other's needs often and enthusiastically, they must create a need meeting experience that they both enjoy.

e.) All the above reasons... and more!